


Standing Trial For Your Sins

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, i was listening to ioh and brand new while writing this, so its safe to say its sad and emo as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 02:20:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9798185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: half canon/half emo angsty shit. just pete and mikey being pete and mikey during warped 05





	

It was around three in the morning when Mikey heard the soft footfalls of someone outside of the bunks. He knows because his sidekick tells him so. He had no idea why he was awake, well he did – he hadn’t gotten a full night’s sleep since he had been eighteen.

Mikey finds himself rolling out of the bunk, his bare feet hitting the fake wooden floors with a soft dull thud. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he walks, he manages to make it into the lounge area. The hair is the first thing he notices, its Pete’s jet black, straightened fringe. Then he wonders why Pete is here, in My Chem’s bus at three in the morning.

Pete turns to face Mikey when he hears the curtain being pulled back and he’s wearing this weird expression between a grimace and a frown. Mikey almost laughs. _Almost._ Pete has been the only person in a long time who’s gotten him to almost laugh. It’s quite surprising that of all the people in this world that could’ve been that person, it was Pete Wentz. But instead of thinking too hard on that Mikey lifts his gaze to meet Pete’s eyes and something in his chest clenches. He finds himself swallowing thickly before tilting his head in question at the other man’s presence.

“Wanna walk?” Pete’s voice is rough and quiet, like he’s been using it too much. He probably has. He talks a lot. Mikey finds that he doesn’t mind actually – if Pete talks a lot, that is. Mikey blinks in response and apparently they’ve got their own system of understanding, a secret language of their own, because Pete hands Mikey a jacket he had been clenching in his hand – Pete’s favorite black Clandestine hoodie. Mikey feels honored but doesn’t voice it aloud. Instead he pads back to his bunk to toe on his shoes and grab his sidekick.

The pair step off My Chem’s bus without really talking and Mikey finds himself following Pete who seems to have their destination already figured out. It’s cold outside. Mikey’s never liked the cold. It makes his nose more red than it normally is and Frank likes to call him Rudolph. He hates it sometimes. He hates a lot sometimes.

Pete doesn’t try to talk as they head towards another bus, his own. Mikey doesn’t understand why he followed Pete. Why Pete came to his bus at this hour. They’re friends, and they’ve done this before, but it was only ever to get shitfaced with the other bands on tour.

While Mikey follows Pete he stares at the older man’s shoulder blades. The line of his back, the curve of his neck. How rigid Pete seems to be. Mikey wants to take it away from him. The thought comes out of nowhere, but he finds that it’s not surprising. Pete makes Mikey feel good. He wants to make Pete feel. And suddenly he’s completely awake from the thought, though you couldn’t tell by his constant half lidded eyes.

When they reach the bus Pete turns to Mikey and begins to say something, his eyes staring – searching for something but then he pauses and glances down at his feet. He looks different. Less guarded. Maybe it’s the lack of eyeliner. Maybe it’s the softness of his features, the edges of his face blurred because it's all Mikey can seem to focus on. Pete's face. 

“Everyone’s on Motion City’s bus. Their jam session is running a bit longer than normal,” Pete finally manages to say. Mikey nods because he’s not sure what to do. The air is tense and thick around them. They're stepping on thin lines, ones they know they shouldn’t cross because there’s so much wrong with the situation, but Mikey again finds that he doesn’t care. Pete makes him feel good. 

This time it’s Mikey that leads Pete back into the bus. Pete having the only actual room - 'for his messed up sleep schedule' he had told his bandmates. He grabs Pete’s hand wordlessly, a gentle tug and the air becomes static-y around them. Mikey’s not sure how it happened. When they got like this. What changed between them. Maybe nothing changed. Maybe it was inevitable.

The pair falls back onto the bed gracelessly, their mouths not having disconnected since they breeched the doorway. It’s not pretty, and it’s not light or carefree. There’s a dark sense of urgency filling the room, mixing with their mingling breaths. And when Mikey pauses before that final moment, where they cross the ultimate line, he looks up at Pete, willing him to open his eyes and look at him too.

His hand comes up to almost cradle Pete’s head, Mikey's finger slightly digging into his temple, “I’m not happy”. Mikey’s voice is quiet, almost dead. Pete’s eyes crack open, his face blurred slightly from being so close to Mikey’s line of sight. His eyes are sad, “I know” Pete whispers out. One of his hands grips Mikey’s hip a bight tighter, “Me neither”.

Mikey doesn’t think before he pulls Pete into him, the line now crossed. He shudders and pulls Pete’s face down, their lips not melding together just yet, “I know” it’s whispered across Pete’s lips, their mouths brushing together. When Mikey reaches his hands back and around to pull Pete closer – if it were possible – he repeats “I know”. And then he can’t speak. The room is filled with quiet moans and the sound of skin against skin, the wet pop of mouths and sweet nothings whispered. As if that would make either of them feel again. Feel anything.

***

It continues on for a while. The pair of them disappearing at early hours in the morning, not leaving the bus until daybreak. It hasn’t really helped. _Not really._ Mikey knows it won’t last forever. Can’t. Ultimately he knows it’s not his decision. Life doesn’t hand you good things without consequence.

He does smile though. Pete makes him smile. The music helps him smile, the fans, playing, but ultimately it’s Pete that makes Mikey smile his first real genuine smile in over two years. And maybe Mikey feels selfish because he can smile now and he feels as if Pete hasn’t had the chance. 

The fourth of July is tomorrow and Mikey thinks that maybe, _just maybe_ , he can help Pete feel.

So when the sun rises the next day, before they have to go play Mikey finds his way to Fall Out Boy’s bus. He walks slowly, taking his time to enjoy the feel of the sunlight on his skin, although there’s not much showing. When he reaches the bus he’s greeted by Joe who tells him Pete is in his bed – probably still sleeping.

When he pulls open the door he realizes Pete isn’t sleeping. No, he’s staring directly at Mikey, a slight sly smile on his face. Mikey finds that maybe he feels a bit lighter, his chest doing the strange burning sensation it has been since the first time. “Hi,” he whispers to Pete and the kiss he’s pulled into isn’t hard and demanding like the one’s they’ve shared all these past nights. It’s deep and warm and it leaves Mikey wanting something. What, he doesn’t know, but he knows he wants. “Watch the fireworks with me tonight,” he doesn’t voice it like a question, but he doesn’t think Pete would say no. The response he receives is another small sweet kiss and Mikey feels his whole body warm up, a strange feeling stir deep inside of him. He leaves quickly, throwing an excuse about having to play soon, before slipping out without even saying goodbye to Joe.

His heart thrums the whole walk back to My Chem’s bus. When he opens the door he’s greeted by his brother and a knowing look. And sometimes Mikey wishes Gerard didn’t know him so well. Wishes he wasn’t right about everything. He slams the curtain to the bunks closed, grabs his bottle of Jack and drinks himself till he can’t think straight and that ridiculous pounding in his chest stops. He sleeps.

Ray walks up to Mikey’s bunks a couple hours later and tells him they’re on in thirty minutes. Mikey thinks he’s never seen a more disappointed look on Ray’s face and he almost tells him. Almost. Instead he rolls over in his bunk and says, “Fuck off. I don’t need pity”. He hears Ray’s sigh and the closing of the curtain and tries not to think about how the warm feeling in his chest has decided to stick around.

***

Mikey doesn’t know how he got on stage, how he managed to play their set. His head was pounding and all he remembers is lots of screaming and he tried to stay as far away from the crowd as possible.

Now he lays in his bunk, the distant sound of fireworks pounding overhead. His head throbs, he’s finished the bottle of Jack and more of something else. He’s not quite sure. Gerard will be mad. Some of it was his.

The curtain is pulled aside quickly and Mikey only sees the silhouette of the person before he’s tugged out of his bunk roughly. “What the fuck man?” He nearly yells as he’s pushed back into the back room of his bus, where no one really sleeps. When he’s thrown back onto the bed, his head spins and he can’t see who it is that’s man handling him like this. When he comes to he sees Pete standing over him and that dumb stupid warmth spreads through his body and he feels light all over. His movements are still slow and drunken but he manages to scoot far enough back on the bed for Pete to climb over him.

“You make me feel things,” Mikey’s not sober enough to realize what he’s saying. “Warm and light. You made me smile,” He pauses to run his hand along Pete’s clothed back. They don’t do this. They fuck so they feel something other than sadness. “It’s too much for me,” Mikey finishes and he feels Pete’s back tense. “But I don’t want it to be too much. I love feeling. I love –” and Mikey stops himself before he says something stupid. Something so _so_ stupid.  

“I know,” Is all Pete says. And Mikey nods, his chin brushing the top of Pete’s head. Tonight they don’t do anything. They lay there and listen to the muffled boom of fireworks, feeling the bus shudder slightly from the blast. Neither sleep, but neither speak. Everything between them is unspoken, it’s better to keep it that way. When you say something it can be taken away. When you keep it to yourself, it’s yours forever.

***

It’s the last day of tour and things between Mikey and Pete are strange. Some nights they fuck and Mikey feels again. But some nights they lay there, and Pete gets Mikey to talk. They don’t talk about much. Just random things that Mikey thinks are unimportant, but Pete seems to hang off every word. And Mikey has felt nothing but warmth and an aching sensation in his chest.

Their set is good. Pete came to watch, he sat on a speaker and grinned goofily at Mikey the whole time. To which Mikey returned a real genuine smile. He thinks Gerard notices, he thinks a lot of people notice, but he doesn’t care. He likes smiling when he really means it. When they finish, Mikey goes to watch Fall Out Boy’s set and he stands in the back of the crowd, a few people attempt to talk to him and he signs their shirts and posters without a fight. He’s not focused on them.

When Fall Out Boy finishes Pete and Mikey leave to walk around the venue. Pete finds them a patch of sidewalk out past the buses and away from everything. It’s warm outside but not too bad. Mikey finds it’s a good day, and the fake smile he’s had plastered on turns real when he glances over at the other man next to him.

The warmth has now completely taken over his body and soul and Mikey knows what this feeling is. He knows it can’t last. _They_ won’t last. Without speaking they sit down and Mikey pulls Pete so the smaller man’s back is pressed to Mikey’s front. Mikey’s chin rests on Pete’s shoulder and they sit like this, watching the sun set on the horizon. Then they talk. Pete drones on about random things and Mikey smiles his tiny smile and leans his face into the crook of Pete’s neck and presses a soft kiss there. Pete reaches back and grabs one of Mikey’s hands, bringing it forward to trace the lines of his fingers in his lap.

The sun has just barely set when Pete stops talking and now the silence between them is tense. Mikey knew this day would come. The end of tour. The end of them. “I don’t want this to stop,” Pete whispers and for the first time in a while Mikey hears the sad lilt to his tone. He feels something in his chest twinge and he hurts.

Mikey kisses Pete’s shoulder and mumbles into it, “It’s not our decision to make”. More silence. Mikey feels Pete’s nod against his cheek and now he feels cold. Breathing is difficult. There’s so much he could say and he really should. But it wouldn’t change a thing. They won’t last. Happiness doesn’t.

The sun finally sets, signaling the end of the day. Time to load up the buses and head back to the different reaches of the states and do what bands do best. Mikey reaches his arms around Pete’s slim torso and holds him in place. Maybe if he holds him long enough and tight enough he won’t be ripped away. He shudders a breath into Pete’s shoulder, “Pete – I,” and Pete silences him with his mouth. His head turned awkwardly to make the kiss work. It’s probably the most genuine of all the kisses they’ve shared. The desperation and the sadness can be felt in the way their mouths move against each other.

When Pete breaks away his forehead rests against Mikey’s and the sadness in his eyes – which mirrors Mikey’s – is immense. “I know,” he whispers. Mikey nods and breaks away from Pete. They stand and walk back to their separate buses, neither knowing if this was the right decision. And Mikey isn’t sure he can be bothered to smile again.

He’s greeted by Gerard on the bus, who sends him a look – because Gerard knows everything, and pulls Mikey into a hug.

Later that night Mikey will find Pete’s hoodie in his bunk and the smile on his face will be genuine. And when he hugs it to his body to fall asleep, breathing in Pete’s scent, he’ll feel the warmth. It won't last forever, just a spark of warmth that blooms outwards and Mikey will be reminded of fireworks.

**Author's Note:**

> hey let me know how u feel abt this (i dont normally write petekey so)  
> (also catch that brand new reference in the title)
> 
> find me on tumblr @adamtsiska


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